WET HEAD
Once upon a time in Democrat City, two evil mummy monsters appeared. They ravaged and plundered the city, leaving nothing but death in their wake. That is until one day they raided Republican Hall Hospital and cornered two women…
"Hey baby, mind if I wrap you up in my bandages?" The male mummy says while slicking back its grey, dusty hair.
“Why are you doing this?” Asks the blonde Asian woman.
“P...Please don't come any closer!" Says the terrified woman with brunette hair. "I've got mace! I'll…I'll use it!
"See, they’re not interested in your advances Bones." Comments the female mummy while parting its long, straight white hair "Let's just eat them and destroy more stuff."
"Your speaking my language Boobs!" Replies Bones. "I'll gladly eat them!"
Bones and Boobs advance upon their petrified prey. The two women howl in fright. The black and grey colored mummies salivate as they extend their dirty, morbid hands.
"It's time to chow down-"
One of the Hospital’s windows explodes as a man breaks through, landing on the floor. The man slowly rises from his kneeling position. He's adorned in firemen's garb and wears a yellow hard hat. His face is partially covered by a black and white mask.
"Ah hell, not you again." Scowls Boobs.
"Oh don't be like that bro!" The man says.
The man proceeds to strike various flamboyant poses, ending with his right arm extended skyward and his left arm curled at his side.
"Don't be shy ladies, it is I the great Wet Head!" He declares. “Don’t let my bulging “Destiny” distract you.”
"But I'm a male." Says Bones.
“Destiny?” Asks Boobs. “Are you referring to your penis?”
"I won’t lose like last time.” Says Wet Head. “Come at me bro!"
Annoyed, Boobs extends its arms outward. Razor sharp bandages shoot forward, but Wet Head jumps back, avoiding them.
"My turn." Comments Wet Head. "Behold, my Wet Head!"
Wet Head removes his hat revealing a iron clad bald head. A tiny cannon, the size of a pistol; sits atop his head. The cannon aims at the two mummies.
"The hell is that-"
Bones is hit with a powerful blast of water, interrupting its question. The mummy monster erupts in sparks as it crashes through the hospital's walls and slams into the concrete outside.
"Bones!" Cries Boobs. "Damn you. You didn't demonstrate that power last time we-"
The water cannon blasts Boobs outside, where it too sparks and lands beside its monster friend.
"Oh man ladies are you alright? Wet Head asks the two women. "Don't worry, I'll take care of them."
While Wet Head runs off to continue his battle, the brunette sings his praises.
"Oh my God we're alive!" She says. "Wasn't he kinda weird but cool Violet?"
“Ah…Ya Summer he was…” Violet trails off. The blonde Asian woman leers at the damaged wall. That voice… Violet thinks to herself. Don't tell me that's…!
Outside the hospital, Wet Head arrives just as the mummies are regaining their composure.
"You two should hit up Youtube and check out marriage help videos." Wet Head says. "Having a four way with those girls could ruin your marriage."
"We are not married!" Yells Boobs. "That's it, you die now. Bones!"
"Must you hurt my feelings Boobs?“ Asks Bones.
“Move you idiot!” Boobs Yells.
“Got it."
The two mummies flank Wet Man, holding their cupped hands by their mouths. The two spew hundreds, upon hundreds of locusts at Wet Head. Unsure on who to hit first, the eccentric hero is plagued by the bugs.
"Haha!" Chuckles Boobs. "That's what you get human."
Wet Head has disappeared amongst the locusts.
"Come on Boobs." Says Bones. "Let's finish our meal-"
With a roaring bang, Wet Head shoots skyward. His head cannon is now the size of a barrel. The locusts drown within the water produced by the enlarged cannon.
"Your killing me bro!" Wet Head shouts. "Take this!”
The barrel sized cannon upon his head crackles with energy, it then pumps quick, powerful hydro blasts upon the mummies. Slammed with intense water pressure, the mummies erupt in sparks as they stagger about. Landing back on the ground, Wet Head turns away from the sparking monsters and strikes a pose. The mummies then fall to the ground and erupt in a massive explosion.
"I did it! I won this time." Wet Head rejoices. "But I'd better get out of here before Violet notices me."
A second explosion startles Wet Head. The hero turns around to see Bones and Boobs growing in size. 20 meters, 50, meters, 100 meters tall. The mummies, stand side by side the city's tall buildings.
"Now you've done it!" Booms Bones. "By killing us once you activated our giant mode. We'll turn you into a pancake."
Wet Head's water cannon shrinks back down to pistol size. The hero jumps out of the way of Bone's crushing stomp. Wet Head talks into his Touch Screen phone.
"Wasabi Lightning come to me!"
Within seconds a white and black T-55 War Tank speeds down the streets of Democrat City. The mummies march through the city, chasing Wet Head. The two destroying buildings with zero remorse. Wasabi Lightning drives up beside the hero, and opens its hatch door.
Wet Head puts his hard hat back on and leaps onto the tank. He closes the hatch and drives the mobile fortress. Wet Head flips some switches on the tank’s control panel. He then places his phone within a groove near the switches.
"Summon Rumor Master!"
The city shakes and its massive lake stirs. The lake erupts as a giant rises from it. The robotic fox roars into the sun filled sky. The bipedal machine flexes its large, human like arms. The two fire hydrant rockets upon its back, whirls and boom.
With a boom the giant soars through the air and, upon reaching the mummies proceeds to drop kick them. The monsters fall into nearby buildings, causing a explosion. Wet Head clicks another switch, this time two wings and two turbines protrude from the vehicle. Blasting off into the sky, the flying T-55 enters a small dock on the back of the robot's head.
The mummies rise to their feet. The Rumor Master stands 20 meters taller than the bandaged menaces. Rumor Master displays its nine beautiful crystal red tails. The red and silver giant robot slams its pointed knuckles into each other as it roars at the sun.
"Being taller than us won't do you any good!" Howls Boobs.
"We'll kill you human!" Roars Bones.
Inside the tank which acts like a cockpit, Wet Head prepares for battle.
"Let's end this then." Wet Head clicks some more buttons. "I'll miss my appointment at the hookah bar if I don't hurry."
Water forms above the robot fox's head, that water twirls and dances as it creates a huge sword. The mummies gasp in shock.
"Beating you two in your giant forms will end your reign of terror.” Wet Head assures them. “Good day you two!”
The giant robot fox twirls the massive sword around, then whipping its head forward; slashes the two mummies. Hit by the mighty slash, the two monsters groan and scream as they collapse into the streets. The loud bang of their exploding bodies rides across the cool wind. Peace has returned to the city, for now.
As the sun sets, Wet Head stands on a bridge watching drunk women dance on a nearby yacht.
"Man, now that is what I call hot "puppies!"
"Wet Head!"
Wet Head turns to see Summer running towards him.
"I didn't get a chance to thank you." She embraces him. "Won't you take off your mask and show me your face?"
"Ok but…" He trays off. "Don't tell anyone who I am ok?"
Wet Head removes his mask, Summer gasps.
"Elijah!" Summer stares wide eyed. "That was you the whole time? Amazing! So tell me. Do you have enough energy left to use that cannon on me?"
"Of course!" Elijah smiles. "Destiny" always has energy for the "puppies."
"Elijah!"
A cold shiver runs down Elijah's spine. He breaks out in a cold sweat. The hero peeks behind Summer and gasps in horror.
"I knew I recognized that voice!" Comments Violet. "Summer you have a lot of nerve! That's my husband your trying to sleep with!"
"Your husband?" Panics Summer. "Violet, I… I thought you said your husband went out of town to work? Plus…I mean you can’t totally blame me. I had no idea how your hubby even looked like! Elijah explain this-"
"Sorry ladies I gotta run! Hookah is calling my name!"
Elijah yells at the two women. He ran for it while they were talking.
"Wait Elijah come back!" Summer says as she chases after him.
"You whore!" Violet races after the two. "Keep away from my husband! Elijah, why do you have a water cannon on your head? Come back here you cheating bastard!"
The End
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